I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
