I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
