she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It was a blind-side dick pic.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
