is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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