Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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