why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
