Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
