just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
