omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You dont lie about slip and slides
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
