i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
