Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It's official drugs can't kill me
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
