were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
