He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
