He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
