I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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