We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
