Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
