is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
She's not a foreskin expert like you
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
