No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
is that a dick in a sweater?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize