problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
