Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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