You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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