mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
