You can't special order awesome
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
