I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
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