I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
