I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i came on her dog
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
