so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
