it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
