I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
