God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
