hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
