I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
