Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
