take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
