I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
