I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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