Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
did you just send me my own nude
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
