Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Randomize
