I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
