I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
