Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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