We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
