I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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