i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
It's official drugs can't kill me
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
