Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
