Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Randomize
