He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
