Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
