dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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