I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
